And I Will Try To Fix You
by klainesupporter
Summary: Kurt's been depressed for a long time now, but he refuses to open up to anyone. What happens when he gets pushed to the edge of his tolerance and he just can't keep his feelings inside anymore? Will he have anyone to turn to, or will he always be alone?
1. Chapter 1

**This is a little more serious than most of the other stuff I write, but the story I'm going with here is very close to my heart and I've put a lot of myself into this, so try not to judge it too harshly, maybe just give it a chance?**

**In my head-canon for this story, the whole Kurt transferring to Dalton never happened; he never met Blaine before or anything like that. I'm also gonna pretend the whole Karofsky thing didn't really happen, because I don't want Kurt's problems in this story to be because he's bullied. I want to focus on something else that I honestly think was there the whole time, with or without the bullying. This is Kurt's senior year, and Blaine transfers to McKinley, and this will have been the first time they met. Also, Blaine's a senior too, because honestly, we all know that's how it should be.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>On the outside, Kurt Hummel was a happy, normal kid. He was a part of McKinley's Glee Club, he had straight A's, and he had a few best friends and a group of wonderfully loyal friends in the Glee Club. He had a loving father and step-mother, and a goofy but endearing step-brother, and he had many fabulous clothes and a killer fashion sense. He was openly gay and sure, he was picked on a little here and there for that, but it was nothing he couldn't handle and nothing that really bothered him that much. Superficially, Kurt Hummel was living the good life.<p>

However, what Kurt Hummel also was, was a very good actor. Because on the inside? Kurt Hummel was a wreck.

Being the only openly gay kid in what seemed like all of Lima, Ohio was hard. It meant rarely ever being fully understood by anyone around him and also being very, very alone in the romance department. Kurt tried to act like it didn't bother him for the longest time, but after a while, he couldn't deny it any longer. He began to feel more and more isolated from his family, his friends, from everyone. Sure, they were there for him and they tried to comfort him as best as they could, but at the end of the day, none of them knew what he was going through or what it was really like to walk a day in his shoes, so how could they ever possibly help him?

For about a year now, Kurt had been in a pretty steady depression that really only his dad and step-mom knew about. Kurt wouldn't risk telling Finn just in case he accidentally let it slip to any of the other Glee club members. Kurt knew he wouldn't do it on purpose, but Finn wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the box, and he'd probably blurt it out before he even realized what he was saying, and by then, the damage would be done.

One thing Kurt had learned from his past year struggling with depression, it's that once people learn that you're depressed, or that you go to a therapist, they never treat you the same way again. The reactions range from either "oh my god, you're so delicate, I need to watch what I say around you," to "are you a crazy person or something?" For some reason, mental illnesses get treated way differently than if you had the flu or a stomach virus. He could see the way his Dad and Carole had changed towards him every day since he admitted to them that he was depressed and needed help, and he'd be damned if he was going to let the rest of his friends treat him like he was some sort of basket case, too. So, every morning when he woke up, Kurt put on a mask and refused to let anyone see him for how he really felt. Unfortunately for him, he'd been wearing this mask for far too long, and without anyone that he truly felt he could confide in, his mask was slowly starting to chip away.

The first day that would initiate his well-versed routine of "I'm fine" to come tumbling down around him was coincidentally the same day he met Blaine Anderson.

Blaine was a transfer student from Dalton Academy, some rich kid private school out in Westerville. From what he told the glee club, his parents had moved and so he was transferred here because it was too much hassle to drive out to Dalton and back every day, and also that he used to be the lead soloist for the Warblers, which was the glee club at Dalton. All the New Directions kids welcomed him with open arms, Santana shamelessly flirting with him (which was no surprised, he was very handsome) and then Mr. Schuester gave them their assignment for the week: duets. Kurt walked to the front of the room to pull the name of his duet partner out of the hat.

"Blaine," Kurt's heart beat raced a little. He looked over at the classically handsome boy who shot him a dazzling smile in his direction. Blaine was gorgeous, really. He had thick, dark brown curly hair, a strong jaw line and a smooth olive skin tone, and the most hypnotizing pair of golden hazel eyes Kurt had ever seen. Kurt would be lying if he said he wasn't excited about getting to sing with Blaine, or that he hadn't already developed a teensy bit of a crush on the new kid, but he knew from many past experiences not to get his hope up. The chances that this guy was gay were slim to none, and even if he was, the chances that he'd actually be into Kurt were nearly nonexistent. He was snapped out of his reverie as Blaine bounced over to him with a grin on his face.

"Hi, I'm Blaine," he smiled with his hand stretched out. Kurt took it willingly, blushing a little.

"I'm Kurt. Kurt Hummel."

"Well Kurt Hummel, I look forward to working with you. So when do you want to get together to practice? Maybe right after school tomorrow? I could come home with you or something."

Kurt was just about to agree when he bit his lip, remembering he had his first ever psychiatrist appointment tomorrow directly after school. But of course, he wasn't about to tell Blaine that.

"I, um, actually have a dentist appointment right after school. Do you think you could come over like an hour and a half after school ends or something?"

"Sure, sounds good to me."

Kurt handed Blaine a piece of paper with his address and phone number written on it, and then proceeded to walk out to his car to drive home. Just as he was about to get into the driver's seat, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

_It was nice meeting you today. Can't wait to talk more tomorrow (: -Blaine_

Kurt felt his cheeks getting a little warmer and a smile spreading across his face. Maybe, for once in a very, very long time, things were going to start looking up for Kurt Hummel.

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><p><strong>Reviews make me happy! (:<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

"So you'll take half a pill every night for a week, and then take a whole pill every night after that week. And I'll see you again in 2 weeks to see how you're doing, okay?"

Kurt nodded quietly and took the small piece of paper Dr. Williams handed him. He walked out of the psychiatry office in a daze and drove to the nearest pharmacy.

He couldn't believe it. After nearly a year of avoiding it, he was finally going to be that kid on anti-depressants. He drove silently, trying to figure out how he felt about it. On one hand, he was relieved, hoping that maybe finally he was going to start feeling happy again; like his life was worth something. But on the other hand…drugs, really? Had his life seriously gotten so out of control that he needed drugs? How had he gotten to this point? People with serious problems and mental disorders took drugs. Not him. When did he become one of those people? And who knows what the side-effects would even do to him? How would he know when the pills were working? His brain was so frazzled with anxious questions and nervous thoughts; he didn't even stop to consider how his dad would react as he walked into the house with a bottle of little blue pills in his hand.

"What are those?" Burt looked towards his son, glancing questioningly down towards the bottle clasped in his hand.

"They're, uh, anti-depressants," Kurt started to feel overwhelmingly nervous for reasons he couldn't exactly place. "Dr. Williams prescribed them to me."

Burt's expression was unreadable as he took the bottle from Kurt and began to read the label carefully. He gingerly handed them back to his son. "So, you're gonna take them, then?"

Kurt looked up at his dad, feeling extremely confused. "Uh, yeah Dad. I want to get better and the doctor thinks it'll help me."

"Well of course that's what the doctor thinks, Kurt; they make money every time they write a prescription."

"Where are you going with this, Dad?"

Burt sighed heavily, rubbing the top of his bald head. "Nothing, Kurt, don't worry about it. If these pills help you feel better, then great…I just can't help but feel like drugs are just the easy way out."

Before he could even register what was happening, Kurt felt the tears sting behind his eyes and felt his chest pang with heartache. He rushed up to his room without another word to his dad, shut the door, and began to sob on his bed. He knew his dad wasn't saying anything to be spiteful or hurt him, but how could he feel that this was the "easy way out"? Did he really think this was easy for Kurt? Waking up every day, wishing that he didn't? The last thing he wanted was to be this freak-of-nature 18 year old boy who was so emotionally and mentally fucked up that he needed anti-depressants. He felt hurt, he felt misunderstood, but most of all, he felt alone. Kurt had never felt more alone in his life, because now, even his own dad didn't support him. The only person he felt he had left that somewhat understood and felt for him had finally been severed from him. Now, he was truly alone. As fresh sobs racked his body, he heard his bedroom door creek open slowly behind him.

"Are you alright, Kurt?"

"I'm fine, Dad."

"No you aren't."

"Dad, I said I'm fine."

He heard his dad sighing and there was a silence as the older man contemplated how to handle his son.

"I'm gonna go back to the shop. I'll be back around dinner time. Carole and Finn should be too."

"Okay."

"I love you buddy."

"Love you too."

The door closed quietly and Kurt began to cry again. He missed his dad so much. Sure, he was there with him every day, but he felt that his connection with his dad—the real, special father-son bond they always had—had left the day he admitted to being depressed. From that day forth, Kurt had switched from Burt's son to Burt's patient. And Kurt hated that more than anything. He hated the way that his dad looked at him; with pity and sorrow rather than with pride and joy. Kurt knew that his dad loved him, but he couldn't help but feel that he failed him. Being normal and happy was the easiest thing in the world to do, and Kurt couldn't even get that right. And now, there were all these unnecessary feelings circling throughout the house, all these therapy and psychiatry bills pilling up, and it was all Kurt's fault for making his dad deal with it. Kurt wouldn't blame him if his dad hated him. He kinda hated himself too.

_Ding dong._

Kurt sat up quickly and walked to his bedroom window. Down on the front porch, he saw Blaine Anderson. Fuck. He completely forgot Blaine was coming over today to practice their glee club assignment. Kurt hurried a look in the mirror and cursed himself. His crying had left his eyes red and watery and his skin blotchy and pink. He splashed some water on his face, dried it off with a towel, took a few deep breaths and tried to compose him. Maybe if he just didn't look Blaine directly in the eyes, he wouldn't notice. He jogged down the stairs towards the front door, opening it to be greeted by that award winning smile.

"Hey Kurt!" Blaine walked in energetically past Kurt. Any happier, and Kurt was sure he was going to start bouncing off the walls. "I have all these great ideas for songs we can sing! I mean, I haven't heard you sing yet, but everyone told me you're a really amazing countertenor, so I picked some songs that I think will really showcase that."

Blaine's happy-go-lucky exterior faltered slightly as he turned around and looked at Kurt. He was looking down at his hands, picking at the sides of his fingernails, and his complexion was pinky and blotchy, like that of someone who had been crying a lot for a very long time.

"Kurt, are you alright?"

Kurt cleared his throat and tried to throw on a look of contempt. "Yeah, I'm fine Blaine. And all that stuff you said sounds great."

Blaine nodded slightly, pursing his lips, dropping the subject. He didn't really know Kurt that well, so it wasn't exactly his place to pry if Kurt didn't want to talk about why he was obviously upset. They walked up to Kurt's room and began to google sheet music and background tracks to help them practice a few songs. They even goofed around a little, taking turns singing solos that the other selected for them, just to challenge their voices. Blaine had insisted upon hearing Kurt sing a Barbra Streisand song, and picked Papa Can You Hear Me for him to sing. Kurt was getting through it wonderfully, and Blaine was staring at him in awe, but then he began to fumble as he came across a few lines that hit a little too close to home.

_Papa, please forgive me,_

_Try to understand me._

_Papa, don't you know I had no choice?_

That was all it took. Kurt couldn't control himself and he completely broke down, tears flowing heavily from his eyes. Those lyrics were exactly what he felt. He wanted nothing more than his dad to forgive him for what a failure he'd become, and he needed him to understand that these drugs were his only option for how bad his depression had gotten. If he could do anything else in the world differently, he would. But he couldn't. He had no choice.

Suddenly Kurt snapped back to reality and realized that he had just burst into tears in front of Blaine; this guy he barely new. He moved to sit up quickly and run out of the room to dry his eyes, but that was when he realized he couldn't, because he was enveloped by two very strong arms that were holding him tightly and rubbing soothing circles into his back. He tried to form his words together properly to make a coherent sentence to ask Blaine what he was doing, but almost as if reading his mind, Blaine answered him.

"Look Kurt. I know I don't know you very well, and I don't know what's going on with you right now, and I completely respect that I have no right to know or ask because it's none of my business, but whatever it is, I promise you, I am here for you right now and I will be if you ever need anyone. And I can't tell you that it's all going to be okay, but for right now, in this moment, it will be. Because I'm here for you, alright?"

It was almost as if somewhere deep inside him, those words were a trigger for him, and all he needed was to hear them from somebody, but no one seemed to be able to give them to him. Not his dad, his step-mom, Mercedes, or anyone. Yet here sat this boy—this beautiful, beautiful boy, who he barely knew, and he was giving him everything he'd needed for such a long time. It was as if a dam inside him had finally broken, and everything he'd been trying to keep inside for such a long time—every feeling, ever stifled cry, every anxious thought—rushed out of him. And the release felt more satisfying and relaxing than any therapeutic technique he'd tried over the last year.

After crying deeply into Blaine's shoulder, pulling himself more tightly into the embrace, Kurt slowly began to explain to Blaine, from beginning to end, his entire journey with depression. He was completely honest with how he felt, telling Blaine every detail that he'd never even fully disclosed to his therapists. All the while, Blaine held Kurt just as tightly as he started, shushing him gently with soothing terms of endearment when he'd get too emotional to speak properly and rubbing up and down his back to relax Kurt into him further. It had been nearly an hour before Kurt had completely calmed down and finished his story and Blaine released him. The two sat there and looked at each other, Kurt feeling slightly embarrassed and awkward at the fact that he had just opened up to someone he'd barely known for two days.

"I'm sorry to burden this all on you," Kurt said quietly. "It's just…I've never really opened up to anyone before and…I don't know. You just seemed different."

Blaine took Kurt's hand in his and waited until Kurt gathered up the courage to look him in the eye. "I'm so glad you did, Kurt. Honestly, it hurts me to know you've had to go through this without anyone for such a long time. But I think you're so strong and brave for doing so." There was a pause as Blaine seemed to try and collect his thoughts, deeming what he felt was appropriate to say at this point. "I know we haven't know each other for long, but I feel like we could be really good friends. If you wanted to, that is."

Kurt smiled at Blaine and felt a warmth rising in his chest. "I'd really like that."

Blaine smiled back just as enthusiastically. "I'm glad. I just want you to know you're not alone in this, Kurt."

Kurt let himself be pulled into another embrace from his newfound friend. And as he felt Blaine's arms wrap around him while he buried his face into Blaine's comforting neck, he finally felt that, for once in his life, he actually wasn't alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt and Blaine were inseparable from that day forward. They went everywhere together, texted each other constantly, and were practically joined at the hip. Kurt couldn't believe his luck that he was given such an amazing best friend. But eventually, that was what became the problem…Blaine was his _friend._

Kurt tried as hard as he could to stop himself from developing feelings for Blaine, but it was next to impossible. How could anyone blame him? The boy was nothing short of perfect. Not to mention he was the only person in his life that Kurt felt was actually there for him. But that was all the more reason not to screw this up. Blaine was his friend—his best friend—and he didn't even know if he was gay or not. And Kurt knew from personal experience that there was no quicker way to make a relationship more awkward and disconnected than to have the gay guy start crushing on the straight guy. No matter how open-minded and comfortable Blaine seemed to be with him and his sexuality now, there was no way he'd be comfortable with the thought that Kurt was thinking about him in compromising ways.

But what was sad was that Kurt wasn't even thinking about Blaine in a sexual way (okay, maybe a little when he'd stretch his arms out and flex and Kurt could see all this muscles rippling under the sleeves of his shirt, but really, who could blame him for that). What Kurt wanted more than anything, was love. He had such a romantic heart and for years it's been going completely to waste with no one to share it with. He wanted candle lit dinners, and surprise roses hidden in lockers, and spontaneous visits late at night to go for walks under the moonlight. And he couldn't help but feel that Blaine was the ideal person to do all those things with, because from what Kurt could tell, Blaine had that same sort of heart too.

Kurt's phone began to rang, and he picked up happily, seeing Blaine on the caller ID.

"Hey Blaine."

"Hey Kurt!" Kurt couldn't help but smile like an idiot. Blaine always sounded so genuinely happy. It was infectious. "How are you doing today?"

"Eh, I'm fine."

"Fine? Well that obviously means that you're not. What's up?"

Kurt took a deep breath. This whole opening up to someone thing was still really difficult for him to get used to. Sometimes it was just so much easier to keep everything inside, because it got a little tiring trying to explain to people how he felt, when they could never really understand unless they were in the same position. But still, he knew he needed this, so he forced himself to remain truthful and open with Blaine.

"It's just…the anti-depressants I've been taking haven't really kicked in yet. I know they say it could take up to a month but…I dunno, it's been nearly three weeks and I was just hoping I'd be feeling something by now."

"Yeah, that makes sense. Well, who knows, maybe within the next week you'll wake up and your newfound happiness will take you by surprise. Or maybe you need to talk to your psychiatrist and get switched to a new medicine?"

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know, I guess I just got my hopes up for a little bit that this would give me some huge improvement. I'm just tired of feeling like shit all the time."

There was a pause as Blaine seemed to contemplate how to respond. "Hey, can I come over?" Kurt was taken a little aback by the random change in subject.

"Uh, sure? If you want to."

"Okay, awesome, I'll be over in like half an hour."

The phone clicked as Blaine hung up, and Kurt just stared at his phone, a little confused. He didn't think he had sounded too desperate or upset, and Blaine didn't usually randomly come over unless Kurt was in a really low place. But, either way, this means he gets to see Blaine, and Kurt will take that any day of the week.

Almost like clockwork, in a half an hours time, Kurt heard a knock at his front door. He walked down the stairs and opened the door to be greeted with the sight of Blaine carry two shopping bags full of stuff. He walked in purposefully towards the kitchen without saying a word to Kurt. Kurt turned around, slowly following his friend, growing more and more confused by the second.

"Um, hello to you too?"

"Oh, hi Kurt!" Blaine responded joyfully from the kitchen. Kurt chuckled a little at his playful tone as he turned into the kitchen to see Blaine unloading the contents of the shopping bags onto the kitchen counter.

"Whatcha got there, buddy?"

"Oh, well, I went to the store and picked up a bunch of baking ingredients," Blaine explained as he unloaded the flour, sugar, and butter from one of the bags. "I remember you telling me how much you used to love baking with your mom, so I figured we could do that."

Kurt felt tears well up in his eyes, but not from the usual reasons he found tears there. These were tears of happiness, caused by this wonderful boy standing in front of him. This gesture he was making towards him was the kind of gestures Kurt had always dreamed of his ideal boyfriend doing for him some day. And Blaine had done it without even needing to be provoked.

"Why are you doing all this for me?" Kurt asked quietly. Blaine seemed to shift nervously for a second as he developed his answer, and then faced Kurt with a matter-of-fact tone and face, as if this reason was so obvious, anyone should have guessed it.

"Well, baking makes you happy and I like it when you're happy. I don't want you to be miserable anymore than you do."

A huge grin spread across Kurt's face as he walked over to his best friend and gave him a little side hug, which was warmly reciprocated by Blaine. As they began the recipe for Kurt's mom's famous chocolate chip cookies, Kurt couldn't help but steal lasting glances at Blaine as he tried to properly mix ingredients. It was clear to Kurt that Blaine wasn't the best of chefs, but he was doing this anyway. He was going outside of his comfort zone and doing something selfless for someone else because he knew it would make them feel better. He was doing this for Kurt.


End file.
